Fatigue...is a very frustrating thing~ (Sung to the tune of "Love, is a many Splendid Thing?)

Lying on the floor is awkward. Especially in public places, which I really try to limit. Next best thing is when there is metal shelving units which are: very low, sturdy, and roomy- on which to sit- with head in hands/on arms...something on which to lean. But nothing beats lying down when you hit a 'wall'.



Then- you have to wait it out. Never quite sure if it will be minutes/hours/days/weeks... but surely I am hoping and praying for a short duration of it at this level. It's one thing to push through days feeling like you are wading through thick mud while wearing a lead-jumpsuit...it's another when you have no choice but to surrender to a horizontal position.



In truth- pushing to keep upright at this point- has the same outcome anyway; only I'll most likely be horizontal even longer. So surrender I do.



Ahhhhh. That's better. And btw, not just lying there- perhaps 'sprawling there' would do the position more justice. Even in the grogginess of this state- my brain feels a sense of relief, in not having to attend to the 'extras' of standing, walking...thinking.



Funny how my family gets used to seeing me like this- they walk over me, around , continue conversations with me- as if nothing is strange about my lying there. (My children have grown up with me being ill; my amazing husband married me knowing of my malady.) They kindly offer me an 'Are you okay?", mixed in with the rest of the chatter. Although slow to respond- my hearing is fine, and their asking means a lot. Even though I feel SO ILL, I try to minimize it for some reason- to spare them my 'complaining', and tell them- 'Yah, I'm ok, just need to lie here for awhile.' No, I'm really not okay. No, this isn't normal. Is it really 'normal', 'for me'? I don't like that it is. Anyway- I am glad for the company, of whomever it is chatting away to me...somehow it is more comforting, than just lying there on the floor alone. And they are even gracious about my struggle to get out coherent words in return...



Once things 'lighten up' a bit- I roll to my side and begin the process of getting back. My lungs have a strange feeling at this point....hard to describe...it is like a palpable fatigue in the air sacs that my muscles squeeze out of my lungs during this process. It isn't that all the fatigue is gone, but more that my body is releasing something toxic which my body has dealt with as I lie there- and now it is time to expell it....perhaps some tiny 'smoke/exhaust' from the firing up of those poor mitochondria to get me up off the floor?! I don't know, and as I said, hard to describe- nonetheless it is there- and it signals to my Being: "Here we go body. Let's give it a try." And up I go...slowly, tentatively- awkwardly.